When Going “Home” Makes Us Feel Like Children Again
November Reflections: When Going “Home” Makes Us Feel Like Children Again
When Familiar Spaces Trigger Familiar Feelings
November carries a particular kind of tenderness. The light shifts, the days shorten, and we begin the slow drift toward the holiday season—a time many people describe as “joyful,” yet often experience as complicated, activating, or downright stressful.
There is a quiet truth we don’t talk about enough: spending time with family—even loving, well-intentioned family—can be triggering.
Some of us grew up in families that felt connected and supportive. Others come from strained or distant relationships. And most people fall somewhere in between—family systems with both warmth and wounds, love and rupture, care and unfinished business.
But across the spectrum, one shared experience tends to emerge this time of year:
Why Holidays Can Feel So Emotionally Charged
When we return to childhood homes or familiar family roles, our nervous system remembers things our adult minds may have long moved past. A tone of voice. A dynamic between siblings. Expectations about how you “should” behave. A parent who still comments on your choices or appearance. A pattern of conflict or avoidance that resurfaces instantly.
Before we know it, we’re no longer the grounded, capable adults we are in our everyday lives.
We feel small, reactive, hyper-vigilant, or emotionally raw.
This is not failure.
This is your nervous system doing its best to protect you using tools it learned long ago.
It’s Okay if the Holidays Feel Hard
Holidays disrupt our routines—which are often the very things that help us feel stable, supported, and well-regulated. Sleep changes. Eating patterns shift. Movement drops. Connection with partners or chosen family might decrease while exposure to stressors increases.
You may feel:
More tired
Irritable or sensitive
On edge around certain family members
Pulled into old roles
Unsure of how to set or maintain boundaries
Guilty for wanting space
Lonely, even surrounded by people
Grateful and overwhelmed at the same time
Nothing is wrong with you.
This is part of being human—especially a human with a history, a nervous system, and a desire to feel safe and connected.
Go Into the Holidays With a Plan
One of the most supportive things you can do for yourself this season is to prepare.
Here are a few grounding strategies I often recommend to clients (and use myself):
1. Share your plan with your partner or a trusted person.
Talk openly before you travel or gather.
Let them know what tends to activate you, what you might need if that happens, and how they can support you in real time.
2. Create “micro exits.”
Identify tiny ways to regulate your nervous system without disappearing entirely:
Step outside for fresh air.
Take a short walk.
Go into the bathroom and breathe.
Send a text to someone who helps you feel grounded.
3. Remember your body.
Your body will tell you what’s happening before your mind can catch up.
Notice sensations—tightness, heat, numbness, shutting down.
These are signals that you’re overwhelmed, not signs that you’re doing something wrong.
4. Stay connected to your adult self.
Talk to yourself with kindness:
“I’m an adult. I get to choose what I participate in. I’m allowed to have boundaries. I’m safe now.”
5. Bring your resourcing tools.
A journal, calming playlist, grounding stone, fidget, or scent can help you reconnect with yourself.
A Recommended Resource: Pete Walker’s 13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks
If the holidays tend to activate old wounds, I highly recommend reading Pete Walker’s 13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks. It’s an incredibly accessible, compassionate guide that helps you:
Recognize when a flashback is happening
Reorient to the present
Speak to yourself in a supportive way
Rebuild internal safety
Step out of old roles and back into your adult self
This is one of the tools I recommend most frequently because it supports agency, self-compassion, and somatic understanding, no matter what your history looks like.
You Deserve to Feel Safe—Even During the Holidays
Whether you’re excited for family time, dreading it, or feeling something in between, be gentle with yourself.
You do not need to “power through.”
You do not need to pretend everything is fine.
You do not need to earn your place at the table.
Your needs are real.
Your boundaries matter.
Your nervous system deserves care.
And you are allowed to create a holiday season that supports your well-being—not one that depletes it.
If you want more support navigating family triggers, relational patterns, or holiday stress, I’m here.
This is the season when many people realize how deeply these patterns live in the body—and how healing it can be to finally work through them.
You deserve to feel steady, empowered, and connected—both with yourself and the people you love.